According to Christy Whitman, founder of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy, you may be surprised to know that there are seven payoffs for staying stuck and not creating positive change in your life.
You may be thinking, “Payoffs? Why would I want to stay stuck and not be happy?!”
Well, I invite you to grab a journal and pen and do the following exercise...
Take some quiet time to answer the questions below to honestly understand the reasons why you struggle, suffer, or stay sick and don’t succeed, change, or get what you want. Once you get your answers and awareness, then forgive yourself and start creating the life you want to live!
Payoffs for Staying Stuck
- What do I get to avoid? A common payoff of staying stuck is avoidance. Are you avoiding change, responsibility, love, success, being seen, being vulnerable, hard work, etc.?
- Who do I get to punish? Sometimes we refuse to be happy so we can “punish” or blame someone else for a bad childhood or a sucky life. Perhaps we want someone to notice our suffering, save us, or apologize. This doesn’t make us more powerful. In fact, it takes our personal power away and gives it to others.
- Am I feeling righteous emotion or real feeling? Guilt, anger, frustration, fear, despair, jealousy, etc., are true feelings and emotions. Many of us don’t express emotion honestly. Instead, we complain to everyone except the person who is involved, preventing us from being able to let go and forgive.
- What guarantee am I holding out for? Many of us expect a promise or guarantee that something will work to change us and make us happy. If we get that guarantee, then we will try and move forward. Otherwise, we don’t try and stay stuck.
- Am I manipulating with self-pity? Some of us play the victim role and want an audience to feel sorry for us. And some of us play the martyr role and suffer silently, expecting others to know that we’re suffering so they can fix our lives for us.
- Am I feeling 'better than' or 'less than'? At times, we may feel that we deserve special treatment because we are entitled (better than) or helpless (less than).
- What am I afraid of losing if I succeed? Sometimes we fear success because we fear that we will lose friends, attention, safety, time, control, invisibility, our health, etc.
So, what did you discover from this exercise? Whatever you discovered, please DO NOT beat yourself up over it! We ALL have experienced these payoffs for staying stuck. The key is to be aware of what you are doing to keep yourself stuck, and start moving forward toward a happy, fulfilled life.